It might just be a coincidence but within the last few weeks I have heard two unconnected lifelong Wieners express almost the same sentiment: Vienna is not what it was (my translation). Although such statements are difficult to pin down and will inevitably mean different things to different people, my first thought was, yes, too many Germans. However, we are not allowed to say that in 2023 for fear of getting abgesagt. Or worse, risk ending up in an AI generated school essay exploring the rise and decline of the number one city in the early 21^st century. As such we have a responsibility to choose our words carefully: too many of the wrong Germans.

Still, this does not mean we can ignore other factors. Indeed, the city continues to be the embodiment of affordable social housing but there are the same demand pressures (and rising costs) like everywhere, especially as the city population looks likely to return to levels not seen since the last great pandemic: the Spanish one.

Alternatively, although our beloved Jahreskarte – the much touted and affordable yearly travel ticket – continues to remind us of the benefits of a progressive public transport policy (as long as you don’t live in the south of Vienna like me and have to rely on buses with drivers plugged into Bluetooth earpieces) there are intermittent grumbles, mostly to do with lack of personnel and infrequent trams. That said expansion and investment continues with the extension of the underground line 2 and construction of the long-awaited driverless underground line 5, and this should assuage some of the detractors. For now.

And then there are the tourist throngs and the other associated theme park inspired crap (crap concerts, crap clown cars, crap rickshaws, crap tourist buses, crap tourist tat shops). Inevitably, Vienna, like all other iconic destinations around the world, finds itself – in places – in an existential battle for its very identity. So much so that as I descend into the crowds of the first district, I ask myself of what is the real attraction of sitting in a double decker tour bus (hardly exclusive to the number one city) plugged into a soulless commentary voiced by an out of work actor on secondment from the language institute? Or better, as I pass on a real bus from Schottentor to Stephansplatz (the 1A) I often spy the long queue outside Café Central on the Herrengasse waiting to sample generic cake and some of the worst and most expensive coffee in Vienna because you heard Trotsky once took a piss there. And again, I ask myself, whether is this in any objective sense, enjoyable? Especially when just round the corner in the Minoriten Church is a unique, full-scale reproduction of Da Vinci’s The Last Supper … which involves no queuing, praying and you can view for free!

But it is probably better not to mention this too loudly and in any case residents and visitors alike shouldn’t worry. Tourism keeps people enslaved in low paid, precarious work and the rest of Vienna’s population stay well away doing their best Harry Lime impression and hiding in the shadows. It’s a win-win for all. Until that is the city eventually realises that too many tourist pressures will eventually strangle the very things tourists seem intent on seeing (and inevitably destroying). And then sadly it will be too late.

But at least we have beer. Expensive beer. Evidence of all your need that Vienna is not what it was. In the good old days (late 90s) the most expensive Helles was found in the classic café (perhaps only equalled or exceeded by the posh hotel bar). In the Café Scharwzenburg I can remember a big beer (only bottles, we are not heathens) cost 45 schillings which in today’s money would be 3.30 Euros. A bargain. That said the cheapest beer I can remember before the introduction of the Euro in 2002 was 28 Schillings in the now long gone Falkensteiner boozer in the 6th district which in today’s money would be an incredible 2 Euros!

However, all is not lost as you will be pleased to know that the other incarnation of the Falkensteinerstüberl is still going strong in the 3rd district near the Arsenal. Here you will find the classics of Viennese cuisine and a big Stiegl for 4.20, which is quite reasonable these days given the price rises of the last twenty years and coming after the effects of all the lockdown closures.

Also, just for clarity, I should make clear that the Falkensteiner pub has nothing to do with the other less eminent Falkensteiner brand in Austria, namely the purveyors of numerous luxury hotels and resorts in various countries in Europe (forgettable motto: “unforgettable holidays await you”). Where perhaps their most famous incarnation can be found in the naff resort of Velden on the Wörthersee in Carinthia in southern Austria. The kind of place boasting expensive cars, expensive teeth and obviously stupidly expensive beer.

Still, in spite of the change and rumours of a five Euro city average (in the cultural wastes of south-central Vienna where I live both my locals now charge 4.80 whereas pre-Covid and inflation it was nearer 4) we can feel relieved that some things in Vienna are still reassuringly consistent: my German neighbours continue in their efforts to remain as the living embodiment of your typical Manfred Deix character. The next family along maintain that the only way to communicate in all matters is to mimic the frenzy and cacophony of feeding time at the seal enclosure in Vienna’s zoo. And most agreeably Vienna has once again been selected as the global liveability winner by the Economist apparently scoring Torvill & Dean levels of perfect scores in stability, healthcare, education and infrastructure. Although when I read about this on the BBC website, one of the local residents quoted in the article (the manager of a hotel, presumably where the author was staying) recommended amongst other things, visiting the Naschmarkt. And if anything in Vienna is not what it was, then look no further at Naschmarkt. And weep.

© 2023 RJ Barratt