Getting Here – the Expert Speaks

There are many different ways to skin a cat, especially if you’re a taxidermist, and there are also many ways to get to Vienna. Let’s look at some of the more unusual ones…

Poshed up


Imagine you are very well dressed. You are rich. Your chins are full, many or artificially altered. You’re in the Elite Class and you know it. The good news is that before the revolution cometh, whence you’ll be getting stabbed to death by the plebs down the Ringstrasse, you can afford BA business class from London. Flights leave at 0955 from Heathrow Terminal 5; which is rather convenient after an early morning champers in the Galleries lounge, as you’ll be in Wien in time for lunch and a top of the range Schnitzel served at the Hotel Bristol by a grumpy, yet efficient, waiter.

Cost: £1071.80

The Linz way


Look if you get up in time, are in no great rush, have headphones to avoid the really fucking annoying requests to play their damnfool bingo, have avoided a hangover the night before, and have no bags. then you could take a cheapo on Ryanair to Linz; and then get the train (about 1.5 hours and 42 euros return). It’s a pretty good option in high season too.

Cost: £120.08

Choo choo


Now, if you don’t get murdered, the train is THE way to go. Or should I say trains. Basically get a Eurostar to Brussels, jump on a train to Cologne, have a few beers, then get the nightsleeper down to Vienna; arriving fit and rested and ready for a full day’s roistering and museum-ing down the Kunsthistorisches Museum That trainspotting lad, with piles as big as Cornish Pasties I imagine, and who spends all his time on trains, gives excellent sleeper train tippage here: Brussels

Cost: £250 return

Doon the water


Flying? Pah. Trains? Oily. The fly kids and hipsters prefer a good old fashioned hydrofoil these days. It costs 99 euros from Budapest and damn it’s a cool way to arrive; made easier by a la carte buffet and some fine, and not so fine, wines.

Cost: 99 euros one way

A 13 centre holiday

Unusual one this but did you know there are round the world ticketsthat will give you a dozen stops before you actually get to Vienna? This is one of my favorites here. London – Rio – Buenos Aires – Santiago – Mexico City – Chicago – Tokyo – Beijing – Bangkok – Tokyo – Kathmandu – Singapore – India – Vienna – London

It’s a rather unusual route, but has something of a modern day Grand Tour about it. If EM Foster was alive today, I rather think he would have enjoyed this one…

Cost: £3572 and 96 pence


(Stop and have a sausage at the best – 3 Euro)

By Stuart Lodge

Travel guru
Travel guru

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