There are many different ways to skin a cat, especially if you’re a taxidermist, and there are also many ways to get to Vienna. Let’s look at some of the more unusual ones…

Poshed up

Imagine you are very well dressed. You are rich. Your chins are full, many or artificially altered. You’re in the Elite Class and you know it. The good news is that before the revolution cometh, whence you’ll be getting stabbed to death by the plebs down the Ringstrasse, you can afford BA business class from London. Flights leave at 0955 from Heathrow Terminal 5; which is rather convenient after an early morning champers in the Galleries lounge, as you’ll be in Wien in time for lunch and a top of the range Schnitzel served at the Hotel Bristol by a grumpy, yet efficient, waiter.

Cost: £1071.80

The Linz way

Look if you get up in time, are in no great rush, have headphones to avoid the really fucking annoying requests to play their damnfool bingo, have avoided a hangover the night before, and have no bags. then you could take a cheapo on Ryanair to Linz; and then get the train (about 1.5 hours and 42 euros return). It’s a pretty good option in high season too.

Cost: £120.08

Choo choo

Now, if you don’t get murdered, the train is THE way to go. Or should I say trains. Basically get a Eurostar to Brussels, jump on a train to Cologne, have a few beers, then get the nightsleeper down to Vienna; arriving fit and rested and ready for a full day’s roistering and museum-ing down the Kunsthistorisches Museum That trainspotting lad, with piles as big as Cornish Pasties I imagine, and who spends all his time on trains, gives excellent sleeper train tippage here: http://www.seat61.com/Austria.htm#via Brussels

Cost: £250 return

Doon the water